How to Help Middle Schoolers Prepare for High School and the College Process

In today’s episode, I share how middle schoolers can build strong academic and life skills to set themselves up for success—without rushing into college prep. From reading and executive function to healthy habits and mentorship, I’ll walk through practical ways to support your child’s growth and confidence. Plus, I’ll offer tips for parents on working with teachers and knowing when to seek extra help. Tune in for actionable insights to help your child thrive!

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Transcript

Sheila Akbar: 0:00

Does two things. It exposes them to potential interests, hobbies, career paths, you know, whatever, but it also predisposes them to action, to trying something and reflecting on it. And that skill of reflection, I'll talk about this more in a minute, is so vital for these young people who will, before you know, it be young adults. Hi folks. Welcome back to the podcast. I want to acknowledge that 2025 has been a rough year for a lot of people so far, and it can feel very overwhelming. And if you are a parent like I am, I'm sure you feel like your concerns are double, because there is the moment we have to live through. And then there are the impacts to the future that we worry about, that our kids will have to live through. And so I just want to acknowledge that at the top, I know that it is a tough time, and I hope that listening to me ramble about these topics related to education and college admission can either help you take your mind off of things, or give you some peace of mind around some of the things that you may be wondering about in terms of, for example, today's topic, how do we prepare our middle schoolers, or younger for what's to come in high school and the college process. Now a caveat, I don't want you to think, if you have a child who is in middle school or even younger, that there is something that you need to be doing immediately to prepare them for high school or the college process. I wanted to spend today's episode talking about this topic, because this is a question I get a lot families know that at my company, we only work with high school students and older. Nevertheless, at my free monthly events, I get a lot of parents who have fifth graders or second graders. When I meet new people, and they learn what I do. They start asking me questions about, How can we prepare our 10 year old for X, Y or Z? And I happen to spend the weekend with a very dear friend of mine who has two middle schoolers who are really wonderful, sweet kids. And you know, she and her her husband are wonderful parents, but she is also wondering, what do I do to get my kids ready for this? And I do have some ideas to share. So I thought some of you with younger kids may be interested to hear what I have to say on this. And if your kids are in high school, these things that I'm talking about will still be relevant to them. These are just general perspectives and priorities that research has shown and that I think a lot of us know through common sense, are really great things for every child to be working on and to hold as priorities. I'm going to talk you through kind of a rough outline that I've got here about how to prepare younger kids for high school and the college process. Now, again, there's nothing that parents of younger kids you know specifically need to do or complete or a milestone they need to hit to get their kid ready. Here, these are general principles. We are going to talk a lot about building the underlying skills and mindsets for success. And if you've been listening to this podcast, you know, I define success really broadly, and honestly, everybody should have their own definition of success, because it may look one way for one student and a totally different way for another student. And both of those definitions are valid, so it's worth you as a parent, thinking about what does success mean to me, and how can I help my student develop their own definition of success and then help them move towards it. So we are going to talk about academic skills, executive function skills. We are also going to talk about exploring hobbies and interests, developing healthy life habits like sleep hygiene, you know, balanced physical activity and rest and social time and just alone time, which everybody needs. Building mentorship relationships with other trusted adults in their lives is a really important thing, and can help them develop self advocacy and self confidence and help them explore some of those interests they may have, and all of this culminates in building their sense of self confidence. We really want them to be able to know that they can hand. Any challenge that comes their way, and that's not only through building the skills like we've just been talking about, but it's also through building up their knowledge of self, their knowledge of their strengths, and their confidence in their ability to build skills and improve on areas that may need a little bit of work, or things that they're not very good at, naturally, that if they work at it, if they seek help, if they practice, they can get better at things, and that knowledge that they can learn how to handle things or handle them with the skills they already have. Can take them so far. All right, I'm going to start with the more kind of concrete things that you know may be a little bit obvious, but one of the things that you can work on with your younger students is their academic skills, these would be foundational skills like reading, writing, math, critical thinking. These might also be the skills that help them learn more effectively, which would be things like how to take good notes, study strategies for different subjects, keeping things organized, things like that. And theoretically, these are things that they are learning in school. Some schools I know have very explicit and focused Academic Skills type courses where students actually learn a variety of note taking and organizational strategies, time management strategies and things like that. In other places, in other contexts, students are going to have to learn this on their own. And then in those cases, you know, some students get it pretty quickly, and some students are going to need a little more focused attention. So this is a place where you know you want to kind of take a look at what are your students instincts around these things, and if you're noticing that they struggle with their handwriting, their organization, understanding you know what's due when, and managing their time so that they can finish things in a timely manner, if you're noticing that it's worth digging into the underlying skills to see if there is something that you may be able to demonstrate for them, help them figure out on their own, or learn something new with them about a note taking method, or how to use a particular type of Journal or to do list. There are lots of books on these sorts of things and lots of methods out there, and I always say the best method is the one that is going to work for your child, the one that they're actually going to do right is not one planner that I recommend for everybody. I myself don't use a planner, but I am very organized, and I have a whole bunch of tools that I have over time figure it out work for me, and I use them very consistently. Without them, I feel completely lost. But if somebody had just given me a planner and said, use this, I probably would have thrown that planner back in their face. So keep that in mind. It may not look like what you would use, but we want a solution that is going to help your kid with the things that they need to do, and in a way that they're going to want to do it, that this is going to be a consistent habit, that they use this tool or this method because they see how much it helps them, and then you're not continually having to remind them to do X, Y or Z, right? It's a self sustaining habit. And remember that there, there will be some trial and error here, and you should also think about who else can help you with this, right? So, for example, sometimes a younger sibling may want to emulate what an older sibling does if they use a big whiteboard in their room to keep things organized. Maybe that's what the younger kid wants to try first, and we'll see how that works for them. If they're struggling with some academic skill, it's really important that you talk to their teachers and see what they're learning in school, see what the teacher has noticed, and collaborate with with the teacher to see what you can do from home to help them develop those skills. And this is where also, you know, a homework help, sort of tutor, executive function Coach, can be very, very useful. They'll work with your child to identify areas for improvement and then introduce strategies and tools and routines and systems to help them strengthen those areas. And I do want to say I've said this in other episodes, but executive functioning skills can be developed. They actually naturally develop through exposure and experience. So the more frequently your students can have to write papers. So the better they're going to get at writing papers. They're going to figure some things out for themselves. You can help them along that journey with strategies that will address the challenges that they're facing or the things that they hate about reading or writing or doing math, right once you understand what their feelings are towards these skills or their awareness level of their skills or their need to develop those skills, then you can kind of intervene with what they may need. So I start with sort of these academic and executive functioning skills, because they really do underlie a lot of success that you know, we'll want our students to have as their classes get harder, as they take on more extracurricular commitments, and their free time becomes less and less, and then they start managing a complex process like the college application process. Building these skills early can really, really be a game changer, and it's the first place I would start with any student, because usually it's going to bring them a sense of understanding and self confidence, and it's going to put out some fires, right? It's going to have some immediate impact on their experience of school. Now, the next thing I'm going to chat about here are these healthy sort of life habits that also really fuel success in school that we don't often think about, but can be so crucial for our students. So obviously, getting enough water and eating well is really important to fueling your body and your brain, enabling students to concentrate and absorb information efficiently and maintain some impulse and emotional regulation while they are at school. But just as important would be sleep physical activity. Rest, right, even not sleep, but rest time for hanging out with friends, time for being alone. Of course, their mental health is a big part of this, understanding stress levels and what they can do to cope, making sure their screen time is at a, you know, healthy level, and they've got a healthy relationship to their technology all follows underneath this. Because, you know, if kids aren't sleeping, if they are over stimulated by social media, they're not going to be learning at their best, and that is what we really want. So building these healthy habits now while your kids are younger is going to be so important for them as they move into their teenage years, and high school classes get more stressful, and then there's all the personal drama that goes along with it, right? So build those healthy habits earlier, and they can keep them for a lifetime. All right, another thing I chatted with my friend over the weekend about was just exploring interests and hobbies and just allowing your kids to luxuriate in the things that they enjoy. Now I know the first thing a lot of parents tell me is like, well, they only enjoy playing video games, and of course, those things are designed to be very enjoyable, even addictive, for young brains. But the other thing I will say is, the more you can expose your student, the more you can expose your kid to a variety of interests and hobbies and activities, the more chances you're giving them to discover the things that light them up. And it might be you take them to a cooking class, or you just cook dinner with them, or you introduce them to an old friend of yours who lives a completely different lifestyle, and maybe is an artist or raises animals, or, you know, who knows what, but the more they see, the more they can imagine. Maybe that's my life, or maybe that's a part of my life, or that's a thing that I would like to try new sports, school clubs, seeing art, movies, music, building a video game, you know, learning how to code physically, building things with their hands, whether that's a model airplane or I just got, I love doing This. We just got a little paper sculpture kit where I can make these very colorful little insects. My son and I really love doing these things together, so just introducing them to a variety of things, instilling that idea of like, let's try something once, and if you don't like it, we don't have to do it again. But if you do like it, let's do more of it right? Does two things. It exposes them to potential interests, hobbies, career paths, you know, whatever, but it also predisposes them to action, to trying something and reflecting on it, and that skill of reflection also. Talk about this more in a minute. Is so vital for these young people who will before you know it, the young adults, having that ability to reflect on something and make a choice based on their reflection is such an amazing lifelong skill, and this is one way to help them build it is to ask them, What do you like about that? What excited you about that? What didn't you like about that? What made you uncomfortable? And then, based on what they say, you could suggest something else. You could decide never to do that thing again, or you could try it again. But in a different context, maybe it was a big group cooking class, and they really liked it, but would have loved to have more attention from the chef. Well, maybe the two of you can work through a cookbook together and then it's all one on one. Or, you know, maybe they do smaller group sessions or join a cooking club at their school, and they're cooking with their friends instead of with you or with with other adults, right? There are lots of ways to create variations that they may enjoy more, and you want to just keep pulling that thread. If they enjoy something, let's try to find ways for them to explore related things. Do more of this thing, understand why whatever this thing is that they like, why they like it, why it's meaningful to them. And eventually, at some point, you want to think about how can we share this interest with other people, maybe with other people who would never otherwise be exposed to this thing. Can this interest lead us to a skill or some sort of contribution to a community that we care about? Can we volunteer in this area in a way that helps other people, right? And so this hobby and interest starts to become the foundation of a lot of other things that they do. And I'm not saying, you know, those of you who are interested in, you know, the college strategy. I'm not saying that whatever this thing is that they find that they like becomes their purpose in life or the cornerstone of their college strategy. No, not at all. As humans, we need things that bring us joy. And I think modeling for your young children and encouraging them to protect their joy in some kind of interest, I think, is so important. So help them carve that thing out. It doesn't have to be something that is productive, that's going to win them awards, or, quote, unquote, look good on a college resume. It should absolutely be something that lights them up inside. You want them to have that in their life, and it will probably come back around to be an outstanding future in their college profile. But we don't want them doing things just because they might look good on a college application. We want them doing things because they truly enjoy it, and that true enjoyment is going to shine through, right? So stay focused on that aspect of it, and not on the college resume. So the next thing I'm going to talk about is building mentorship relationships. Of course, we want our young children learning social skills and developing friendships. That's wonderful. It's also important for them to build mentorship relationships with adults. This is going to happen naturally with teachers, maybe with sports coaches or somebody who leads an extracurricular that they're involved with. But it can also happen with older cousins, your friends, people in your network, family members, things like that. And it's so important, because as your kids get older, they're going to want to listen to you less and to other people more. So you want to fill their lives with people that you trust that they are going to enjoy interacting with and learning from, right? So it's a great time to start thinking about, what are the mentors in my kids life, and how can I help them find mentors in things that they're curious about, or a person that they really admire, and have them spend more time with that person, it's going to help them learn how to ask for help. And that is a skill that a lot of us have lost touch with as we've grown older. And you know, it's a little discouraged in our society, we like to pretend that we're self sufficient. We don't need anybody else. We can do it on our own, and in some cases, learning to struggle through something on your own is an important experience, but it's just as important to know how and when to ask for help and whom to ask for help. And so mentorship can really help students build their self advocacy skills and these relational skills, and of course, can also lead them to other interests and knowledge of other things that you may not have been able to expose them to. And then finally, the last thing I will talk about today is the importance of. Of building self confidence. Now this is the thing that I talked about most with my friend over the weekend. We actually did a cooking class. We were in New Orleans, and it was a really lovely cooking class, and our chef was telling us about how he got into cooking, and it was a total accident for him. And I think one of the most impressive things that he told us was that when he started cooking, he vowed that he would learn something new every day. And he's done that, and sometimes it's because someone like me asks a question about, what does this word mean, or where did this technique come from, or sometimes he gets curious about a recipe or a smell that he's he's sensing, and he'll go and learn about that. But one of the things I pointed out to him and my friend actually, because we were just having this conversation about how to help her kids build confidence in themselves, one of the things I think was so impressive about our chef, besides him being an excellent cook in teacher, was that when he said, I promise to learn something new every day, he also had the confidence in himself that he could learn something new every day, right? And so he had the confidence to know that he could find the answer to whatever question he was asked, or whatever he happened to be curious about learning. And that confidence that you could set a goal for yourself and that you can achieve that goal, I think, is such a gift to a young person to an old person too, frankly, and that is what we want to build in our kids. And the way that we implement this, we encourage this at Signet, is by helping students get a good sense of themselves, right? And some of this is going to mean we're going to have to talk them out of some, you know, fear of failure, or some self doubt or insecurity that they have developed over time by helping them learn something and practice it and showing them their own progress, celebrating that progress with them, so that they can see that they can do it and that they can rewrite some of those scripts that may be holding them back from trying new things, but it's also about helping them understand what their strengths are and what their values are, what kind of person they are and that they want to be, and building a really clear picture of who they are right now, not just who they'll be In you know, five years or 10 years or something like that, but who they are right now and what strengths they bring to any situation they come into can really help them lean on those strengths to solve problems and build that confidence based on real, tangible things, right? And a lot of that self knowledge has to come from reflection. And encouraging reflection is something that you know, parents have to do. Can model, can ask these really great, open ended reflection questions. Can have a routine during dinner or maybe right before bed that prompts a student to reflect. Maybe there's some journaling involved, but the more reflective you can be as an adult, the more reflective your child will be as well. And of course, I'm just sort of spewing some advice at you. I'm not really telling you how to do any of this, but for me, these are the most important things for students to work on before they get to high school. So to recap, academic skills, executive functioning, we said healthy habits. We talked about exploring interests, building mentorship relationships, and finally, building a strong sense of self, which comes along with self confidence. Okay, so today's episode was really in response to a bunch of questions that I've gotten over the last couple of weeks, and of course, this experience over the weekend with a friend of mine. I hope you found it helpful, and I really hope that you'll continue sending in your questions. You can email them in, you can submit them on a form. You can call the office and leave your question for the podcast. And at least once a month, I'm going to do one of these episodes just responding to those kinds of questions that we're getting. And I hope you'll find it helpful, and I hope you'll share this episode with other listeners who might have younger kids who are wondering about these things as well. All right, that's it for today. We'll see you next time, everybody. Thanks for listening.